The Cases
by blue sakuras
Summary: exploiting the characters of Inuyasha never felt so sweet.
1. Interview One: Kagome

_You all know about the anime, Inuyasha. The story of love. The story of romance and heartache. The story of sword fights and hanyous. The one about revenge. The one about hope. The one about hurt. The one that won the hearts of many in Japan and America alike. _

_What you **don't** know is that the people who portrayed the characters have dark and mysterious backgrounds. What you **don't** know is that those people are still walking among you, lionized and honored; while their past is hidden in a dark little corner._

_But what you should know - _

As the girl paused the tape, she grinned and cackled. "Perfect!" she crowed. "This is **so** perfect!! I'm going to be riiiiiich!!!!"

**-----0-o-0-o-0-----**

**The Cases**

**Interview One: Kagome**

**by: bs**

**-----0-o-0-o-0-----**

The screen of a TV fizzes, and a clear image shows up. It appears that the person being taped is none other than the main star of the show, Kagome Higurashi.

_Hello! You are one of the most beloved actresses out here in the world!_ a cheery voice chirped out. (The person who is talking now is unknown, as the camera is completely focused on Kagome.)

"Uh, I wouldn't put it to that much credit!"

_So you're just fishing for compliments now aren't you?_

"What?"

_We have heard about your past Kagome..._

"What past?"

_She seemed to be uneasy. Tense. One could say she was outright nervous._

"I can hear you say that you know."

_She is completely unaware that we are now recording and documenting this whole conversation._

"I can see the camera."

_She will be questioned further._

"...are you mentally ill?"

_Kagome, how are you?_

"Do I _have_ to be here?"

_Yes. It's written and signed in a contract by your agent._

"Oh. Okay. Wait a second! I don't have an agent!"

_Your mom is close enough._

"But I'm over eighteen now! She doesn't control me anymore!"

_Is this a hint of teenage rebellion?_

"WHAT?"

_Besides, she gave me this bag of cookies. Mm... cookies._

"Get out! Get away! Get out!"

_It seemed that Kagome was having a bit of a mental breakdown, unaware of what she was saying or doing to the innocent reporter._

"What are you talking about? **You** are the one who's talking about cookies!!"

_But they are very good. You want one?_

"Err - no thanks. But can you leave now?"

_I shall leave as soon as I get the news to my public!!!!!!_

"And who is your public exactly...?"

_...I'm sorry. My sources are confidental._

"EH? But - "

_Kagome, it is time we stopped dawdling and get to the point. Were you a prostitute before your career as an actress?_

"Wuh, WHAT?"

_I have a list here of people who know you from your previous c - _

"WHAT? WHAT? **WHAAAAAAAAAT?**"

_Do you need a hearing aid?_

"Get out _pleaaaaaaase_!"

_Nope. It's okay. I'm just dandy here. Now, will you please answer the question?_

"No! I WAS NOT!"

_Oh...okay then._

"That's good to hear."

_Another question..._

"What?"

_Are you a child molester?_

"WHAT?"

_You seem to be saying that a lot. Are you sure you don't need a hearing aid? I have five right here!_

The unknown reporter stuck out a Ziploc baggie full of wires and plastic materials.

"...those aren't hearing aids. Besides, where did you hear **that**??"

_My sources are confidental._

"Gah!"

_Fine. It was Shippou._

"WHAT?"

_Are you sure you don't need - _

"Yes! Shippou??"

_There are five right - _

"SHIPPOU??

_...yeah. Now, are you sure I couldn't interest you in one of these - _

"How could he have said something like that? Does he hate me that much?"

_...so you're admitting you DID molest him during the production of the show?_

"No!"

_So you're denying that it happened, but it most likely took place anyway?_

"Yeah. I mean no - gah. Wait, don't do that!"

_Are you admitting to some unrequited love directed at the actor who played Shippou? _

"No!"

_So you had a bitter grudge against him during the production of the show then?_

"No!! Why are you asking these questions?"

_It is my duty to my public that **THE TRUTH BE KNOWN!!!!!!**_

"You're spouting bullshit!"

At this moment, the camera seems to have been dropped, and there is a faint background voice yelling out.. _The Pure Kagome is tainted! She's tainted! She's tainted!_

Wild shrieking of the above phrase is repeated for quite a while.

The camera then rights itself and focuses back on Kagome.

_The fault of Inuyasha. He influenced Kagome into his foul sense of language... and who knows what else? Drugs... X... pot... speed perhaps?_

"What are you **talking** about?!?!"

_I'm sorry. That is another time. Another interview._ (whispers to the camera) _I shall track down Inuyasha as soon as possible to inform the public of his abusing ways..._

"Which network do you represent again...?"

_Ehehe... Broadway!_

"EH? But that's not even a - "

The camera jolts. There are pictures of someone moving very fast while carrying the camera. It turns around and focuses on Kagome, who is chasing insanely after the camera

"GET BACK HERE!"

::a wild cackling is heard::

_TUNE IN NEXT TIME FOR THE FOLLOW UP INTERVIEW ON THE EXWHORE KAGOME!_

And in the background of the announcement... there is a voice calling out... "HEY! HEY! YOU BETTER NOT BE SHOWING ANYONE THAT TAPE! HEY! GET BACK HERE! GET AWAY FROM MY FISH TANK! WAIT! WHAT THE - "

The camera fizzles out.


	2. Interview Two: Inuyasha

_We left you last week with the intriguing interview with Kagome. And now your hard working newswomaninformerladything is proud to present..._

**-----0-o-0-o-0-----**

**The Cases**

**Interview Two: Inuyasha**

**by: bs**

**-----0-o-0-o-0-----**

_Last time... we interviewed Kagome. She revealed some rather unnice things... and todaaaaay we have managed to track down Inuyasha, another main actor in the series who has happily complied to answering a few questions._

(The camera fizzes on and it shows a picture of Inuyasha sitting in a chair, masking taped very heavily to it by his arms and legs and gagged. He is struggling rather violently.)

(Very violently.)

_So Inuyasha... _(the camera closes up on his face)_ how does it feel to be one of the hottest actors in Japan in this present day and age?_

Muffled screams are heard and Inuyasha seems to be trying to bite through his gag.

_You seem rather irritated Inuyasha. Is there a reason behind this?_

More agitated screams are heard and now Inuyasha is rocking the chair rather aggressively.

_Ah. So there are some romantic issues between you and Kagome going on right now? Is it because of your real life ex-girlfriend Kikyou?_

"MMPH???" Inuyasha seemed to be rather agressive and started scraping his chair against the wood, making lots of loud screeching sounds.

_Yes. I know about your dastardly relationship with Kikyou. Now, do you have any comments about it?_

Inuyasha struggled extremely hard this time, making his chair fall over on the side. He seemed to be in a shock but shook his head and wriggled.

_Wow. You must be put in situations like this all the time. You're getting away so fasssssst... maybe I should stop you..._

Inuyasha, having had wriggled his upper torso out of the rope bindings, and has somehow miraculously ripped the masking tape (the horror!!), was now using his arms to support himself the rest of the way, froze and gave the unknown reportpersnthinggirl a horrified look. And because moving again, but much faster. Definiately faster.

_Fine. Be a spoilsport. Can you at least give me ONE comment on your relationship between the dramatic Kagome/Kikyou love relationship? Wait - wrong question! That's for Kikyou! What do you feel about your ex being a lesbian?_

Inuyasha, now having gotten all the way out, was sitting on the ground, tugging at the ropes on his ankles. He froze and decided to rip his gag out first.

"WHAT THE HEEEEEELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? KIKYOU'S NOT A LESBIAN! I DON'T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER! THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON BETWEEN KAGOME AND KIKYOU! THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU BITCH AND WHY THE FUCK DID YOU USE DASTARDLY??? THAT DIDN'T EVEN MAKE SENSE!!!!"

(laughter is heard)

"WHAT?"

_One second please._

There is some maching whirring in the background.

_Okay! Here... listen to this!!!!!!!_

Something is clicked and from a tape recorder (it seems) Inuyasha is talking... "KIKYOU'S A LESBIAN!!! THER IS SOMETHING GOING ON BETWEEN KAGOME AND KIKYOU!! WHY THF FUCK DID YOU BRING KIKYOU BETWEEN ME AND MIROKU??"

Inuyasha stared in horror, gaping like a dying fish, out of the reach of water. Yeah... well, either that or he looked like a kangaroo who's just been violated.

(_very_ violated)

"What is WRONG with you???"

_I dunno. Anyway, can you answer a few questions now that you can talk?_

"You're a pyscho."

_Why thank you! Please answer the following question: Did you or did you not have a relationship with Kagome on the set of Inuyasha?_

"...I didn't even say Miroku. How did you get THAT on the tape???"

_I have my ways. Please answer the question! Or I'll be forced to tie you up again!!_

"Stop smiling like that. It's unnerving."

_Thanks._

"What was the question...?"

_STOOPID MUTT! It was 'Did you date Kagome while filming Inuyasha, Inuyasha???_

"Wuh?"

_DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT DATE KAGOME??? I am losing patience furry eared dahling...._

"...you're a pyscho."

_I know. Answer me!_

"Well, the answer is... I'm not sure. Because I thought we were, but then Kikyou took me out and Kagome didn't have a problem with it so I thought it was okay but then a few days later Miroku and Kouga came and yelled at me because they told me Kagome was upset and crying and I felt bad but then there was nothing I could really do y'anno? So I went to Kagome because Kouga threatened to bash my head in with a golf club if I didn't so then I'm not really that stupid so stop giving me that look and then I went to see Kagome and we talked and it was nice and I promised her that I liked her but Kikyou just would not stop pestering me and I got really annoyed but it's just not right to yell at women you know? And so I had a nice talk with Kikyou too and this was just in the first season of Inuyasha and Kikyou got the wrong message, obviously because she got a vase and smashed it on my head and that hurt. I had to get a lot of stitches for that and it was painful. Then Kagome found out that Kikyou smashed a vase over my head and then she went and agrued with Kikyou and they got into this HUGE catfight and Kagome got a black eye. Well, actually two because when Kikyou's sister Kaede, and no not the older version. Her real live sister who bears a scary resemblence to Sango, came by and punched Kagome's other eye and all I did was stand there because I mean seriously - it's just really wrong to hit a girl so Kagome got upset with me because I didn't defend her and I told her she was being stoopid and she got mad and slapped me and I got mad and I started yelling and she started yelling and then - "

_Gawds. You're like a** GIRL**. You just don't shut up do you?_

"Hey! You wanted me to tell you!"

_Yeah... sorta. So you DID date Kagome? And then cheat on her with Kikyou?_

"Yeah - No! No! Hey! Wait, why are you recording this? I thought you said you were working for a magazine!"

_Something like that._

"Who do you write for again?"

_He seemed suspicious. I wasn't sure if I should push the coversation further or leave while I stll had the chance._

"...who the hell are you talking to?"

_I shall brave on for my public! Inuyasha..._

"Wuh?"

_There were rumors that you were a drug pusher back in the day._

"BACK IN WHAT DAY???"

_Ahhh... and it seems to me that you have gotten the now tainted and unpure Kagome involved with all of this._

"Kagome? What does Kagome have to do with all of this? And what do you MEAN TAINTED???"

_Ah... he was playing innocent._

"Seriously bitch! Answer me! Who the fuck do you work for?"

_Maybe she was born with it, Maybe it's Maybelline!_

"..." (a pause. a long pause.) "WHAT THE HELL?? GET BACK HERE!"

_It seems that - _**pant**_- we shall have to find another date to inteview - _**gasp**_ - Inuyasha for further detail. Do not underestimate the power of rope and masking tape!_

"GET BACK HERE!!!!!!"

The camera flickers off.

* * *

And suddenly the screen turns back on, filled with static. Then, an image of a dark dark door is shown.

(in a whispered voice)

_I have found a place where I can possibly get some more information out of that rascal, Inuyasha. Maybe if I pressed this button, the camcorder will - SHIT!_

the camera blacks out again.

* * *

AN: I am not doing this in any particular order... just whatever floats my boat at that particular moment. I hope you liked it!


	3. Interview Three: Kouga

_I am terribly sorry for the delay. But the button I pressed wasn't a fun button. _

_Long story short, I have a new camcorder. MUWAHAHAAHA!_

**0-o-0-o-0**

**The Cases**

**Interview Three: Kouga**

**by: bs**

**0-o-0-o-0**

_Hi._

"Erm... hi...?"

_This is the first actor that I've contacted that has actually WILLINGLY come forward for an interview! Awww... the pwoor sexxhay wolfie boy doesn't have much publicity these days doesss he?_

"...are you talking to me?"

_Hi!_

"...there's something wrong with this picture."

_Your mom's wrong._

_So how do you feel knowing that the Kagome you crushed on the set of Inuyasha is actually in real life, a LESBIAN?_

"...WHAT?"

_Oh... by that reaction I'm assuming you haven't seen the latest episode of Operah... _

"...do you mean Oprah?"

_All the bigshot networks are the same dealio Kouga dearie..._

"...you're confusing me."

_As are you... as is your mom..._

_So... how does it feel to be a woman?_

"...I'm leaving."

_nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!_

The camera is dropped to the floor roughly, and all that is seen is the leg of the chair Kouga was sitting on.

In the background, however...

_DON'T LEAVE PRECIOUSES! DON'T LEAVES USSSSS!_

"GET OFF ME YOU PYSCHO BITCH!"

_Fine! You're just like the rest of them! _It seems that the interviewerladythingplant burst into tears. _Leave me! Leave me for the money, the fame the glory! Just leave you heartless bastard!_

"...hey! Stop crying! You're nuts! Crazy people shouldn't cry!"

_Baasssssssstaaaaaaaaarddddddddddddd..._

"...oh my gawd. WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT WRENCH!"

A loud clanking noise is heard, and the camcorder is righted up. It zooms to the other side of the room, near the door.

Kouga seemed to be laying unconscious on the ground, with a wrench near him.

Then staticy noise appeared out of nowhere.

_Zpshhh... pzhsh... we're experiencing technical difficulties... this interview (as the other two. pshsss..) shall have to be opshh... pshh... arkansas... continued at a later pshhh... boob... interval._

The camera shuts off, leaving the world to wonder what is going to happen to Kouga.

* * *

AN: Yes. Short. But I just remembered I had this ficcy. ha ha ha. I love this ficcy. It lets me be random. Ha ha ha... :D Next chapter.. prolly will be Kouga... awakened. :D

KOUGA RETURNS! DUN DUN DUN...! hahaha... but i'm spastic. NO PROMISES!


	4. Interview Four: Ayame

_Hi ho. Yeah. He's awake. Mm hm. I think I can continue._

The camera zooms in on Kouga, who seems to be sprawled in a rather uncomfortable position on a plain tan couch.

_Hi ho Kougaaaa hi ho hi ho it's off to work we gooo!_

"What the... you bitch!"

_He's awake!_

"What the hell's your problem! Where the fuck am I!"

_You're in my basement._

"Why the hell am I in your BASEMENT!"

_I donno. I don't have a basement._

_You know, I think an orange couch would be funner down here._

"Down here..?"

_Hi ho. You're in hell. Hehe.._

"...I want to leave."

_You can't! Gasp! Gasp! Gasp!_

"Stop SAYING gasp! Just GASP!"

_But that's not fun._

"Let me leave pyscho lady."

_Ooooo you gave me a nickname.. That must mean you luuuuuuuve meeeee. Yay. The wolfie boy loves me. Yay yay let's do our happy dance!_

_No! STOP GOING TOWARDS THE DOOOOR. HISSSSSS HISSSSSS..._

"Why don't you just make the noise instead of saying hiss?"

_Oh poo it's not fun! NOT FUN AT ALL. Like when you're sitting at the computer and you want something to load but it doesn't load for like forever. Oh my gawd that sucks so much._

A door slam is heard.

_Oh poo. Why oh why does no one ever stay?_

_Hehee... tune in next time for Ayame - a true redhead, or dye?_

_Hey look I found her! She's in the closet! hee hee..._

"Hi...?"

_Yeah. Hi! I like you. You're funny._

"...thanks?"

_I like your hair. It's red. _

"Thank you."

_I think she likes being complimented._

"...who are you talking to?"

_Anyway, I heard from a friend of a friend of a friend of a radio station who works near your studio that you go to work with a person and that person told me that you dye your hair._

"...um... say that again?"

_Well, do you want a hearing aid?_

"...those don't look very... no thanks."

_Yeah. Mkay. Only one more time now okay? I heard from a friend friend friend from your mom that a radio station likes piggies and like you work with piggies that eat cows so that makes them cannibals and so they say you dye your hair red with their blood. Mmm is that true?_

"...WHAT THE HELL!"

"OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY DO YOU HAVE FISH IN THE HALLWAY!"

_Hi Kouga. OOooo look it's Kouga and Ayame! EEEEeeee how cute. It's so quaint. Haha I said quaint. Isn't quaint just like the best word ever?_

"...where the hell did you come from?"

_She came from my closet. And he came from your mom._

"...I want to leave."

"I understand that."

_Poooooooooo! Beware the man eating gold fish in the hallway!_

"Bah! It's frikkin FISH! Fish can't stop me!"

Ayame stormed out into the hallway.

_...why didn't you stop her?_

"She can see for herself."

"OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL!"

_It's nice to see you again too._

"Why do you have FISH THE SIZE OF HORSES IN YOUR HALLWAY?"

_Um... I'm not sure._

"...get rid of them!"

_Why? They're fun!_

"They're also going to die."

_Gasp! Why? What did you dooo?_

"...why does she say gasp?"

"I'm not sure. Do you want to leave?"

"Fuck yes."

_Noooo the fishies block your waaayy! WHAT DID YOU DOO TO MY FISHIESSSSSSSS!_

Wails can be heard as the camera falls to the ground. Limbs flail around smacking random things. Kouga and Ayame can be seen running into the closet Ayame appeared out of.

_FISHIESSSSSS FISHIESSSSS COME ALIIIIIIVE MUWAHAHHAHAAAA_

_oh wait._

_I should be interviewing them shouldn't I?_

"...oh my god I think she's going to come get us!" someone whispered frantically in the closet.

_Nah. It's okay I can just do this with you in there. Just make sure not to bother the bat... Hi it's nice to see you again. May I ask you a few questions?_

"...sure. Stay with me. She creeps me out."

"...you're on your own."

_Bye Kouga!_

"...did you remove your fish?"

_They removed themselves. hehee. They go flop! Now - please answer this question with all seriousness. Do you dye your hair?_

"...no."

_But that doesn't make sense._

"Why?"

_Because you dyed your hair._

"No I didn't.."

_Yesss you did._

"I think I would know if I dyed my hair."

_Wow. You dyed yer eyebrows tooo._

"I DIDN'T DYE IT!"

_Denial is an ugly thing._

"...screw this."

_Oh poo._

Ayame left.

_Oh poo._

_Nobody loves me everybody hates me guess I'll go eat worms!_

_Hm... that song's always bugged me. I mean - if everyone hates you why don't you just go and die or something? Cuz I mean like eating worms just makes you grosser and no one will like you even more then. hahhaahahahaa..._

_I want to go find Kanna! Kanna! oooooo Kanna! Teehee... K for Kouga K for Kanna! _


End file.
